What do you say to the mom who just lost her baby?

Loss of a baby is so unique. To grieve for someone that I never knew, but deeply miss. To survive the physical pain while simultaneously working through the complex emotions of loss. What do you say to that mom? The woman whose emotions are so raw that a lingering look or deep sigh encompass a thought too deep to delve into.

Since losing our baby, I've read about many women's struggles of loss. Women who were quickly able to return to "normal" and women who spent years trying to forge a new pathway they weren't ready for. It's heartbreaking. It's inspiring. It's an opportunity to support one another.

Have you read that popular quote from Mr. Rogers?

When  I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping'. 

Through the loss of our baby, I discovered the truth of that quote. When I couldn't carry the burden of grief myself, others came alongside and helped. No two people handle life's struggles the same way, so there is no "thing" to say to this broken-hearted mom, but perhaps you can find a way to come alongside her and show your love and support in the most simple ways. I remember an especially meaningful pat on the back. A message someone sent months later, just saying she remembered. A little item to hold dear. A kiss someone blew me in the hallway. The meals, oh thank you for the meals. The thoughtfulness that came before receiving a text that a kind friend was pregnant, allowing me to be a part of the joyfulness while giving me space to breathe through my own thoughts.

Share the burden. Sometimes in life, the burden is heavy, but simply knowing that others are walking alongside you and helping to carry your burden can be inspiring in a time of sadness.

 It's not what you say, it's how you care. <3

To our sweet friends, family, neighbors and anyone who is a part of our little village. Thank you.