Did you know that an elephant is pregnant for somewhere between 18 and 22 months? I have now been pregnant for as long as an elephant! (Minus a 3 month period in the middle that I'd rather not revisit.). I'm a pretty strict rule follower so that pretty much means no deli meat, not soft cheeses, no alcohol, no caffeine, no wild adventures (though this kind of is one) for 18 months! Hmmm...really empathizing with those poor elephants these days.
Becoming pregnant after our loss was a bit of a "thing". We decided to give ourselves some time to just mourn loss of our little girl. Goes without saying that was a really hard time. After 3 months, we decided we would revisit the topic. Well 3 months passed...often agonizingly slow. We weren't sure we'd want to try again, but I just couldn't look at a picture of our family without seeing 3. I couldn't imagine being done and having those experiences be my last. I couldn't retrain my brain to picture our girls not having one more sibling. So...here we are.
It's been a rough ride at times Someone recently found out I was pregnant and said, "Well, luckily at 30 weeks you're in the safe zone." I smiled and nodded and, of course, that nod meant, "SAFE ZONE!! There is no safe zone!" But that's life I figure, there isn't a safe zone, but this is an experience worth the risks.
I know that 3 kids is going to be crazy (no one lies to you about how easy it'll be by the 3rd), but I'm excited about our family. I wish I was able to relax and embrace every moment, but, honestly, that's just not happening this time around. This pregnancy is hard. Not because of the peeing all night, not because of the lack of sleeping or getting kicked in the ribs hard (though that's hard, too). More forbidding myself from google searching, trying to forget that I'm pregnant, planning for a baby while not counting on a baby, hard.
That said, there sure have been a lot of little blessings throughout this process.
First, my girls. They are AMAZING. They are sooo excited for another baby sister! They let me rest on the couch in the evenings. "Emi don't bother mom! She's growing a baby!" They give me an extra cookie for the baby whenever we're sharing treats. They are the first to tell every person we meet that I am pregnant again so that I don't have to say it out loud when I'm feeling unsure. They have helped brainstorm a great list of names...(Vanilla, New, Emi...) Their excitement is wonderfully contagious!
Second, my placenta is in the back. What that means is, since week 13 I have been able to feel this baby rocking and rolling. I find myself worried at the most random times, but then I suddenly feel her and I can relax again. Phew!
Third, well, life is good. I know we're going to hit many more hurdles along the way, but for now, I'll just sit here in the knowledge that in spite of all the struggles life good. Plus, I'm just gonna sit here because this baby belly has popped and I'd rather not move.
Love and hugs!
