My first two adorable little munchkins arrived about a week early. As a type A person, that is how I like it. I started having contractions and I knew it was time to go in. With Laney I probably labored for about 20 hours and with Emi I went in around 8 am and had her by 3 pm. Then there is this sweet little gal. First of all, no one told her, but we do EARLY deliveries in our family. None of this overdue business, but here we sit on my due date and she just seems to be kickin' along, no real rush for anything.
I've always gotten a lot of contractions, but that doesn't seem to mean much. Apparently I have an irritable uterus (not the only thing that will be irritable if she stays in there much longer...)
In a million ways, this entire pregnancy has been a different experience for me. We were so fortunate to be able to get pregnant quickly after our loss last year. As I've opened my eyes to the world of loss and infertility, I realize just how fortunate we are. A struggle with personally knowing that reality, is that I am constantly aware of the risk. For a long time, I tried to stay detached, but now as I sit here...40 full weeks...I am completely attached to this little gal...still scared...definitely! But still in love.
This sweet girl will always be the one who came after our loss, but more than that, she'll be our precious 4th baby girl. The only who I started feeling kick at 13 weeks, who kept me up, almost nightly, between 12-1 while she did her acrobatics, the one who got comfortable and waited until she was good and ready to arrive on HER time.
I know that in a week or two, I'll be completely exhausted and overwhelmed, but for now, today, I need to soak in this moment of joy intermixed with past sorrow, of anticipation and fear. This moment knowing that all control is out of my hands and in the hands of our Father in Heaven.To my sweet girls (all 4 of them): I love you so much and thank God for each day I got and still have to spend with you.
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